Rainy Rector

I Must Be Weird

2009-12-02T16:23:00.001-08:00

Well, I just finished my first hospital visit since being called as Rector at St. Thomas in Eugene, Oregon. Yes, I have been here since August 1st and this is my first hospital call. I don't know why. An unexplained outbreak of good health? An unwillingness to trust the new guy? Whatever has been causing a lack of need for the Rector at hospital bedside, that drought is now over. Well, at least I did get to do one visit.
What's wierd is that I really enjoy being in the hospital. I don't know if it is the fact that I have worked in hospitals before. I don't know if it that feeling of being truly needed (and wanted) that you don't always get day-to-day or even Sunday-to-Sunday. Whatever is the reason, I just like being in the hospital.
I had a wonderful visit with an 86 year old parishioner who is in for some complications of COPD. Nothing serious. I got a chance to learn all about his incredible interesting life. He has done some incredible things! His courage and willingness to risk throughout his life was impressive. I really enjoyed getting to know him. He used to do hospital visits with one of his parish priests as a young man, so was very open to praying, being annointed, and taking communion.
All in all, it was a wonderful and blessed visit. I think I got as much out of the visit as he did! Praise God for all his mysteries.

I Hate Packing!

2009-07-02T08:27:00.000-07:00

I hate the whole moving thing. Packing up, cleaning up, getting the house ready to show, packing your office (not too soon, but not too late either!). It is stressful and difficult and, despite my best intentions, I never do if very well. I always get stressed because I want to clean, organize, discard, recycle, and then pack, but what actually happens is mad packing at the last moment which leaves me feeling guilty and inadequate. I look forward to it all being over some day soon!

New job, new city, new excitement, new fears

2009-06-29T09:16:00.000-07:00

Well, it is official. I have been called as the next Rector of St. Thomas Episcopal Church in Eugene, Oregon. It is a wonderful parish full of incredible people who are spiritual and involved and who do wonderful outreach. I am truly honored and excited that they felt called to hire me.
The process of finding a new ministry is long and difficult. It is much like dropping marbles into the Grand Canyon and waiting to hear an echo. You send out your information and then wait and wait and wait. Then, if you do hear something, they want you to reply to a set of questions. Then you wait and wait and wait. Then if you hear...etc. etc. etc. It is a very nerve-wracking process. It seems so easy to say, "oh, just put your trust in God and all will work out." That is fine, except when you have a family to consider and support, both now and ongoing. A family that is going to be impacted by whatever develops in your search.
Well, my search is over for now. I am excited to be starting a new ministry with a great parish. I am excited to be moving to Oregon. Please keep me and St. Thomas in your prayers. Peace.

Holy Sickness

2009-04-01T08:45:00.000-07:00

Why, Oh, Why??!! Every year I come down with a cold or the flu around Holy Week. I am currently suffering a head cold that is just kicking my butt! (or is it my sinuses?) Last year it was the flu, so I guess I should be thankful that it is nothing worse. Right now, though, it feels about as bad as it can get! Achoo, achoo, drip, drip, drip, cough, hack, achoo, achoo (the sound track of my life!) Please, dear Lord, send healing!

Wow! It has been a tough Lent!

2009-03-25T11:43:00.000-07:00

I somehow managed to get myself put in charge of the Lenten Sunday Adult Forum Series on the Renewal of Baptismal vows, as well as the Wednesday evening Lenten Book series. Well, okay, I do know how it happened, I can't keep my mouth shut! All I did was suggest the series and *BAM* I was in charge of it! When will I learn, Oh Lord! I have been as busy researching as I was during seminary. While it has been very fruitful (and even enjoyable), I am exhausted! I can't believe that it is almost over already. I feel like this Lenten season has just flown by, which is a weird feeling because Lent usually seems to drag by. Ironic difference in taking on something(s) versus giving up something (though, my wife would say that I had given up any kind of family life). I miss the monastic feel of my typical Lent. Maybe, as I get better at my ministry, I will learn how to incorporate both in my life during Lent. (or maybe learn to say 'no')

Enough whining!

2009-02-07T08:02:00.000-08:00

I do love my job and have exciting parts to it as well as challenges! I am finalizing the preparations for my first youth/parents meeting and am excited about the schedule and mission trips and service projects that are planned. I can't wait for the meeting. I hope it goes as well as I am excited about having it! Yeah!

Passive Aggressive Rudeness

2009-02-07T07:55:00.000-08:00

Why is it that people feel that it is okay not to return phone calls, emails, facebook posts, etc? Is it the anonymity of the electronic medium? I spend so much time trying to stay in contact with people who just never respond. Often, when I see them in church on Sunday, they say nothing. If they would even try to justify their behavior by saying, "Oh, I meant to return your call/email/posting, but I just never got the time." I would be okay with that, but they don't. It seems to be okay to blow another person off if you do it electronically. As long as I don't actually catch you when I phone, then you are free to ignore me. Oh well, I guess I need to join the 21st century and just accept that people want to hear that I called/emailed/texted them and not be concerned with the fact that no content was ever exchanged. I guess it is more about trying than succeeding. It's about performing roles, not actually interacting. How sad.

It must get better from here.

2009-01-12T08:26:00.000-08:00

I've been employed as the Associate Rector for Family and Young Adult Ministry for 8 months. I've been ordained clergy for 7 months (since my transitional Diaconate ordination). I've been an ordained priest for a month. When, oh when, will I start getting good at this job?
Oh, the liturgical functions like celebrating and preaching go just fine, but it is the day-to-day stuff that kills me. The high school group dislikes me. The junior high group is bored with me. The parents want to turn into the "villagers with pitchforks and burning pine knots." If I communicate one way, they want it another. If I follow this person's suggestion, then that person is upset. If I plan something, they want to do something else...or just don't show up.
I really, really wish that some experienced and successful youth minister would just wave their magic wand and make good and successful at this!

Consider yourself invited

2008-12-01T11:49:00.000-08:00

God willing
and the people consenting
The Right Reverend Jeffrey D. Lee
Bishop of Chicago
will ordain

Phillip J.A. Fackler
Shelley A. Forrester
Tyrone Fowlkes
Bradley W. Pace
Courtlyn G. Williams

to the Sacred Order of Priests
in Christ's One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church
Saturday, the sixth of December
Two Thousand and Eight
at eleven o'clock in the morning
Saint James Cathedral
Sixty-Five East Huron Street
Chicago, Illinois
Your prayers and presence are requested

The liturgical color is white
Reception following in the narthex

What a week!

2008-12-01T11:34:00.000-08:00

Well, it is turning out to be an interesting week.

First, I was preparing for ordination on Saturday. Of course, this mainly consists of being antsy and trying to focus on all the work I should be doing (like preparing a sermon for Wednesday), but it is still something that is occupying my mind. In some ways I feel like I should be preparing in a more "real" way. I don't have time for a full-blown retreat, so it seems like a should be doing something "holy" and "preparatory," but I just have too much work to do between now and then. I truly hope I remember to bring my vestments that day!

Second, I just found out that I am officiating a funeral that day (no Eucharist). We had the planning meeting with the widow and it went very well. I learned a great deal about how that process works, especially how you get info to write a sermon for a person you really don't know very well (his wife is a parishioner and her mother is a founding member of the parish). The funeral is going to be very cool as the man was a policeman and the police and fire departments are providing honor guards. His police motorcycle will be parked by the church entrance and there will be a police bagpiper "piping" us as we process to the church yard for internment of ashes in the columbarium.

Lots and lots to do this week. At least it will make the time go by faster and I will quit fidgeting so much. I hope.

Well, It's Official!

2008-11-12T09:18:00.000-08:00

The Standing Committee has recommended me for ordination and the Bishop has concurred! The Bishop's admin has sent an email letting me know that she has sent out the official letter to me saying that I am going to be ordained a priest! It is hard to imagine that after such a long process (7 years) that it is finally going to happen. So many work things fill my days that I hardly have time to notice that I only have 3 weeks and 3 days until my priestly ordination! Woo Hoo!

Fortune

2008-10-27T11:15:00.000-07:00

I was sorting through some stuff in my calendar and I found a fortune cookie fortune that I had saved, but forgotten. We had gone out for Chinese shortly after my ordination to the Transitional Diaconate. My fortune read:
"You will be unusually successful in an entertainment career."

Confused about technology and youth

2008-10-13T07:55:00.000-07:00

So, I have been encouraged by all (many of whom I would assume are "in-the-know") to create electronic ways to reach out to the youth. So I did. I have a blog and am familiar with blogging, so I created a youth blog for the church. I am on Facebook and am familiar with it, so I created a Facebook group for the youth group. I put links on our parish website so that youth and parents could reach these sites. I sent out emails to them with links so that they could reach the sites. I even set up parent specific areas on these sites, so that parents could remain in touch with what was going on. And then.........I found out that youth don't even use email. They consider email slow (and old) technology. They don't blog anymore ("so last year"). Facebook is still new and they use it, but I can't get them to join the group that I set up. AAARRRGGGHHH! I guess I go back to posting things on a bulletin board and then calling them on a telephone (oh my, how last century!) :-)

Paving!

2008-09-18T09:05:00.000-07:00

Finally! After weeks of parking in an empty lot, hiking through the wood-lot, and tip-toeing through the mud, the parking lot is being paved. Yeah. Unfortunately, due to the ground still being too wet from our "biblical" rain last week, they won't put the second coat on until next Monday. Oh well, at least we are getting closer!
As I look at the parking lot, which up to now has been a mish-mash of gravel, newly poured concrete, and dirt, I am amazed at how pleased I am with uniformity. The sight of the black asphalt making the entire expanse of the parking lot a uniform color really pleases my eye and my sensibilities. Why? It makes me question whether or not I really do value diversity. Do I really prefer that everything look the same? Do I really prefer that everything is all one uniform color? I know that it doesn't really equate to compare a parking lot to life in general, but I really had to stop when I realized just how satisfying that uniformity was to me. I sincerely hope that in my day to day life, in my interactions with people, that I really do see and appreciate each piece of gravel, each section of newly poured concrete, and each clod of fresh, life-giving earth.

Feeling a bit selfish today (or maybe self-pity)

2008-09-08T08:41:00.000-07:00

I'm a little down today because I wasn't invited to a friend's wedding. I know all the reasons that Brides and Grooms can't invite everyone to their celebration, but to see the pictures posted and all my friends there having a good time made me sad. Yeah, I know, it's not about me, but I really would have loved to have been there. Oh well, enough pity-party. Back to work now.

We Lived!

2008-08-12T10:41:00.000-07:00

Well, I took 7 youths on a mission trip and came back with all 7! Yeah! We went to the Heifer International Overlook Farm in Rutland, Mass. (just outside Boston). It was a great experience. The kids got to learn about, experience, and live as most of the rest of the world. There were morning and evening chores to do, which included taking care of the animals. We had service projects to accomplish on the farm, which kept us very busy. We also had learning sessions which focused on issues such as why are people poor and hungry, why can't they just grow more food or move or something, gender inequality and what it means, and the global distribution of wealth and resources. We even spent one whole day living, working, and eating in one of the global village villages. One part of our group was in the Peruvian village and one was in the Thai village. We had to barter for our food at the local market (what meager amount we could get), build a fire, cook it, and then eat. We spent the evening discussing various aspects of our village's culture and then spent the night in our village (out under the stars with the mosquitoes, spiders, skunks, and barn cats!). All in all, a very good learning experience. I would recommend it for others.

Paul Bunyon and Babe, the Blue Ox

2008-07-24T10:56:00.001-07:00

In preparation for the start of the rebuilding of our Parish's drainage system and parking lot, the tree company has been here for the last two days clearing a section of the "forest" next to our church offices. On the first day, they parked a HUGE wood chipper (think large, diesel engine powered, ground shaking, ear splitting, tree grinding piece o' machinery) right outside my office window. Just lovely! Between that thing, the chainsaws, and the gas powered blowers, I am about to lose my mind!
And it just gets better! I just found out that they are going to start the process of grinding off the black top next Monday! Yes, GRINDING off the blacktop! They stopped in the office to let us know that next week might be kind of loud and dusty! Woo Hoo! Aint progress great! :-)
Repeat the mantra: "The new parking lot will be more welcoming, the new parking lot will be more welcoming, the new parking lot....."

They're Done!!! Yeah!!!

2008-07-19T12:47:00.000-07:00

I just received word that my GOE re-writes are SATISFACTORY!! Yeah!! I am officially done with the GOEs!!! It is seriously time to party!! Hallelujah! "The strife is o'er, the battle done...."

Skunk Incident, Part Three - The Saga Continues

2008-07-10T11:12:00.000-07:00

When the exterminator arrived yesterday and set out a trap for the skunk, we asked him many questions about how we might get the skunk to leave the window well without having to resort to carnage. He gave us some ideas which we tried. We used tuna fish and cat food to try to entice the skunk up the tree branch and out of his confinement. What we ended up with though, was not a rescued skunk, but a skunk which began to feel quite pampered. Last night we left with the hope that, instead of entering the trap, he would figure out how to get out of his confinement. To quote yesterday's post, "skunks isn't the brightest of God's critters." This morning he was in the trap. Mr. Exterminator arrived silently and quickly dispatched the skunk before we had any chance to bemoan the event. All that was left was to mourn the empty window well. Well, at least it was a painless death by gas as opposed to being crushed by a Hummer's radial! Poor Mr. Skunk. RIP.

Skunk Incident, Part Two

2008-07-09T08:45:00.000-07:00

Well, apparently skunks isn't the brightest of God's critters. We put a beautiful climbing branch down into the window well for him to climb out (and was told by one expert that once it got dark he would do so), but this morning, there he was, faithfully avoiding that branch. Unfortunately for the skunk, they do not "relocate" skunks in the Chicago suburbs, they "humanely euthanize" them. So 11:00 a.m. CDST time is when the bell tolls for our little friend. We have tried every thing suggested by the experts to entice him out, but to no avail. We are trying to assuage our guilt at his impending demise with the thought that he won't be suffering from a cruel death from dehydration and/or starvation. :-{

Things They Didn't Teach Me In Seminary

2008-07-08T10:01:00.000-07:00

This morning we discovered a baby skunk in the basement window well of the music director's office. Question: How do you remove a baby skunk from a window well? Answer: Very carefully! According to one service we called, if we put a tree branch down into the window well and wait until dark the skunk should climb out. Hmmm, we'll see. More tomorrow.

Do I need to worry?

2008-07-02T12:09:00.000-07:00

This morning there was a large number of police patrolling through our parking lot. At one point, they even drove up the driveway to the rectory. By the time they had made pass number 10 through our parking lot, the parish admin and I went out to ask what was going on, but they didn't even slow down. They just drove out of the parking lot leaving us standing there wondering if we shouldn't probably go back inside and lock the doors! Hmmm?!?

Hallelujah! Part 2 - GOE Re-Write's Done

2008-06-30T08:26:00.000-07:00

Well, they are done! I hope and pray that they are acceptable! Whew! :-)

GOE Re-Writes

2008-06-28T07:29:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am one of those poor souls who have to re-write some of their GOE answers for their Commission on Ministry. I have to re-write my Scripture and Church History answers. They are due on Monday so I get to spend this weekend finishing them up. Well, at least they will then be done! Hallelujah! (oops, I should wait to celebrate until I am done with them!)

Learning the Ropes

2008-06-27T11:43:00.000-07:00

As the new "Associate Rector for Family and Young Adult Ministries" (read that: Youth Pastor), I am struggling to figure out just how to do my job. Everyone seems to smile a lot at me, waiting with baited breath for me to do something spectacular, but I seem merely to be really busy just learning everyone's name. Starting youth ministry in the summer means that the youth don't meet very often and most of what I do is hypothetical planning for the start of the program year. The parents seem encouraged by my ideas so far, but appear to be waiting for something in particular (of which, I know not what). The youth themselves are pleasant and nice (and incredibly intelligent, scarily so!), but seem a little wary of the "new guy." They are very much like caged wild animals, pacing slowly, trying to decide just how much lethal force they need to use to defend themselves against any stupid ideas I may have about what youth ministry should be. I didn't realize that starting ministry was going to be quite so.....uneasy...tentative...unsure. Hmmmm, why can't God just call me to do stuff that I am already really good at??? Growth is tough! Lord, send me strength!

Hallelujah!

2008-06-09T10:28:00.000-07:00

As of Saturday June 7th, I am now an ordained Deacon in the Episcopal Church! Yeah! It was a wonderful service, albeit, very hot. The day was hot and muggy and the A/C in the Cathedral was more than a little overwhelmed. Though this lead to soggy clothing and vestments, spirits were not dampened. My face is still sore from smiling! While I tried to slow the day down as much as possible and enjoy every moment, it went by much too fast. I was composed during most of the service, but right after the consecration, I looked over at my fellow ordinands, most of them close friends, and almost wept from the emotions sweeping over me. We have all been on this journey for so long, praying together, studying together, and sometimes crying together, and to reach this moment together was wonderful! Now, back to work.

Preaching Camp

2008-06-04T11:58:00.000-07:00

After driving half-way across the nation, I am now at preaching camp (more officiously known as "The National Preaching Conference sponsored by The Episcopal Preaching Foundation (or Preaching Excellence Program '08)". It has been an interesting time so far, with lots of really good preaching from some excellent guest speakers. We have also broken into preaching groups and given our own sermons (the first of two, so far). In these preaching groups I have heard some incredible sermons. I heard four radically different sermons on the parable of the Sower, all of which were nothing like what I would have preached. I have heard a range of styles and comfort levels. I really have learned a great deal so far and am looking forward to the last two day, though I have to admit to being very tired.
We were given the task of coming here with a sermon on a parable ready to be preached (which we did yesterday). Now, we have to create a sermon for tomorrow, incorporation what we learned thus far. AAAHHHH! The pressure!
My backside is tired of sitting. I am tired of stuffy airless rooms. I am tired of sleeping on a dorm mattress (as thick as two matzos!)But I really love the people that I have met and the lessons I have learned. This experience will definately go down as a postive one!
Though I have to admit a really strong desire to lace into my next sermon the phrase, "This one day at preaching camp...." :-)

Graduation

2008-05-27T12:13:00.000-07:00

Well, graduation has come and gone and I am now officially a holder of a Masters Degree. That all sounds quite pretentious, but feels very anti-climactic. The end of the semester, finishing school work, fulfilling diocesan requirements, and finding a job, all combined to make time just fly by. Graduation really came much sooner than I was ready to deal with. I feel like I am still trying to process all the emotions that I had before, during, and after the event. I am still grieving the seemingly sudden loss of close friends. I am trying to fully comprehend what it is that I went through over the last three years. I am doing all that while trying to learn a new job, with new people and new problems. I'm sure that someday very soon I will have processed all this and really feel like I have graduated, but right now it all feel very surreal, like a dream.

I have a job!!

2008-04-18T10:29:00.000-07:00

That's right! I have a job! I have accepted a call to be Associate Rector of St. James the Less in Northfield, IL. I actually start on May 18th (yes, that is two days after graduation!)I am really excited. This is a wonderful parish and will present a great opportunity for learning and growth. The rector is fantastic and we get along quite well. Yeah! Amen! Hallelujah!!

Good Friday Sermon - Part Two

2008-04-01T12:48:00.000-07:00

Because I was carrying in the cross for the veneration of the cross part of the Good Friday liturgy, I was supposed to leave the pulpit after my sermon and go out to the sacristy, get the cross, and go to the back of the nave and wait for the end of the solemn collects. At Holy Comforter they use a lavelier mic instead of the mic that is on the pulpit. Normally, I turn the mic off after I sit down because the pockets on my cassock are further back than normal pants pockets and are hard to reach. As I entered the sacristy I reached back to turn off the mic, but I couldn't reach it. As I attempted to reach it I began to turn in a slow circle, much like a dog chasing its tail. During this frustrating reach for the off switch on the mic, I was desperately needing to cough, but didn't want to because the solemn collects were going on. I was beginning to panic about needing to cough and being unable to reach the mic when things got worse. I finally, out of frustration, just grabbed my cassock and pulled it all to the front in an attempt to reach the mic. In doing so I managed to cramp all the muscles in my right side (probably a side affect of having the flu). Now, not only did I have to cough, but I also felt like screaming in pain! At this point, the mic unit fell out of my pocket and down inside my cassock. This resulted in the actual mic, which was clipped to the front of my surplice, to pull the front of my surplice down. The more I leaned down to try to grab the mic unit, the further it fell out of reach. I finally unclipped the mic from my surplice, let the whole affair fall down the inside of my cassock, and stepped out of it. I just managed to turn it off and shut the sacristy door before falling on my knees in a coughing fit interspersed with painful groanings at the knots in the muscles of my side. At that moment one of the ushers walked into the sacristy and wanted to know just what I was doing.
I finally managed to get myself together, but I couldn't pick of the cross. Everytime I tried to lift it, my side would cramp up again. I finally just dragged the thing to the back of the nave and asked the usher to let me know when the end of the solemn collect occurred while I tried to stretch out my side enough to carry in the cross. As I stood there stretching and massaging my side (and practicing the line I was supposed to remember to say as I carried in the cross) I looked up to see the ushers and the back half of the congregation watching me with great curiosity.
At the appropriate time, the cross was brought in and appropriately venerated. I went home, took some more flu medications, and went back to bed for 12 hours.
Well, God was praised and Good Friday occurred. And it will be a liturgy that I will ALWAYS remember.

Good Friday Sermon

2008-03-27T08:47:00.000-07:00

Well, as I sit here typing it is a lovely spring day in Northern Illinois - it is snowing. We are supposed to get 1-3 inches today and tonight. Lovely, just lovely. Where is Spring??
My Good Friday sermon went well, all things considered. I had a high fever and was high on lots of OTC cold and flu medications, but other than that I was fine. As I stood up in the pulpit and began to preach my brain disconnected from what I was doing and began looking around the nave. Since I had been too sick to attend Maundy Thursday service, I had not seen the altar stripped. I began to have this monologue in my head.
"Wow, the place looks really different all bare like this. Look at all the people here for Good Friday. Nice turnout. Wow! That one lady has on quite a wild hat. Doesn't she know it's not Easter yet! Hmmmm, it sure is quiet in here. Shouldn't someone be talking? And why is everyone staring at me?"
When I watched the DVD of the service, the pause in my sermon isn't really very long and just seems like a "dramatic pause" for effect. Whew! Overall, my sermon went very well. I'm just sad that I was so sick that I barely remember the service. I am really disappointed that I didn't get to attend the whole triduum.

Holy Week

2008-03-19T10:03:00.000-07:00

Of course, Holy Week has started (the busiest time of the years), I am scheduled to preach on Good Friday, and I have come down with the flu. I have absolutely no time to waste being sick and this is the week that it hits. It couldn't wait until Easter week when I am on Spring Break and have time to just lie around feeling like death on a cracker. Oh no! It had to jump on me this week. My Good Friday sermon ought to be interesting, being delivered by someone so high on over the counter flu medications that he can hardly stand up. Pray for me!

It's been months

2008-03-19T09:59:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been months since I last posted. Life has been incredibly busy with GOEs, J-Term, and Spring Semester. All this, and trying to find a job also. I find it hard to believe that my seminary days are almost over. I have less than two months until graduation! I often spent some of my first two years wishing that the days would fly by a little faster, but now I wish everything would slow down a little so that I can catch my breath. I will be losing all my friends here at Seabury to places around the nation. If I didn't have so much to do I would spend these last few weeks really enjoying our remaining time together.

A Preaching First

2007-11-19T11:40:00.000-08:00

Well, it was bound to happen eventually, and now it has. At my field ed parish, I preach weekly on Saturday mornings as well as about every fifth week on Sunday. I preached two weeks ago on a Sunday (Nov. 11th) and the Gospel reading was on Luke's story of the wife and the seven brothers. (what happens at the last day? To whom is she then married?) Well, the Gospel reading for this coming Saturday, November 24th, is the very same Gospel. I can't believe that I have the same reading so close together. Well, I guess it is time to take a NEW look at this chapter and verse. (or preach on the Epistle this time)

Goodbye Heidi

2007-11-14T08:22:00.000-08:00

Well, Reverend Heidi, aka "the Vic" is headed off to Bollingbrook and her new job as vicar of St. Benedict's Episcopal church. I am very happy for her, but will miss her a great deal. Heidi was truly a bright spot at Seabury. God Bless you and the parishioners of St. Benedicts, Heidi.

Wow! I did okay!

2007-11-14T08:21:00.000-08:00

I got the results of both timed essay tests that I had to take and did surprisingly well on both of them. I have taken one more since then and was confident going into it. I hope I did as well on that one. Maybe there is hope for the GOEs!

Timed Essay Tests

2007-10-21T19:25:00.000-07:00

Apparently, as a way of preparing us for the dreaded GOEs (General Ordination Exams) a few professors have decided that giving us timed essay tests would be helpful. What I have learned from taking two timed essay tests recently is that I AM SO SCREWED! I can't believe how much more difficult it is to write a simple essay under a time limit. For my Worship in the Episcopal Church course I had to write a 3 - 4 page essay on a question about previous BCPs. A simple question about comparing two BCPs and writing specifically about the theology of one of them. Really no big deal. I actually knew the answer, all I had to do was write it down in a semi-coherant way in 3 hours. I analyzed and prepared, and then wrote for three hours. I then printed the paper out and prepared to hand it in. Then I made the mistake of READING it. Uuuugghhhh! It was awful! I sounded like an idiot in my response. Three pages of "random thought - random thought - random thought." The only good thing about it was the intro paragraph and the conclusion. Everything in between is....well....crap! I don't know how I am going to pass the GOEs! Lord, have mercy!

A Surprise Gift

2007-10-21T19:14:00.000-07:00

As I don't live "on-the-block," for those unfamiliar with Seabury-Western, I don't live at the seminary, but rather commute daily from my home in the far reaches of suburbia, I don't normally receive outside mail at school. Normally, my mailbox at school contains notices that I am to be a cantor on thus-and-such date or am scheduled to officiate at evensong. Last week, I was suprised to find a small parcel in my mailbox. Inside was a refrigerator magnet featuring St. Drogo, Patron of Coffee.(my fame as a coffe addict has apprently grown beyond the school) This one little gift lightened a very rough week and made me smile. The precious gift now has a place on honor in my study carrell in the library at school. Thanks so much to my wonderful friends, John & Raisin, for providing a ray of sunshine in a dreary week. I miss you both very much and think of you often. I pray that all is going well for you both. (and Maggie too! Much prayer for a healthy puppy!)

Field Ed

2007-09-09T19:26:00.000-07:00

I am currently working at Church of the Holy Comforter in Kenilworth as my field ed site. It is a beautiful church, full of wonderful, kind, and caring people that are doing wonderful things as God's hands and heart here in creation. Though I am used to a smaller, single-clergy, informal environment, I am beginning to feel comfortable in this large, multi-clergy, formal parish.
One of the challenges of being here is the preaching. Aside from the fact that I haven't preached before such a large crowd before (Sunday attendance is HUGE)and is making more than a little nervous for my first Sunday preaching gig, I have been struggling with preaching every week. Here at CHC, they have a weekday service every day of the week. I am preaching at one of these services every week. This is a learning experience! It isn't hard to come up with a great sermon when one has 6 or 8 weeks to plan, but when preaching weekly I am just happy to have a point! And if the congregation get the point, I am thrilled! The first few weeks of the weekly schedule were rough, but I feel like am getting into a groove now. Between preaching here on weekdays, preaching here on Sundays and preaching at school I am getting lots of practice!
The program year has started and the parish is literally overflowing with people, children, and programs. It is fantastic and exciting, while leaving me feeling a little overwhelmed and breathless too.

I'm Back!

2007-09-09T19:21:00.001-07:00

Well, after a long enjoyable, unproductive summer of playing with my kids and hiding from any real responsibility that I could, I am back. Back to school, back to homework, back to over-functioning, back to over-committedness, back to it all. One nice thing is being back with old friends and meeting new friends.
I had planned a very useful and productive summer of studying for the GOE (General Ordination Exams) in January, but, alas, twas not to be. It is truly amazing just how many other things I can find to do, that absolutely MUST be done, RIGHT this very minute, cannot be put off even for one second, in order to avoid all those books I dragged home from school to study.
Oh well, why fight procrastination today when you can fight it tomorrow?

The end is in sight

2007-05-27T19:46:00.000-07:00

It is almost the end of the quarter! Yeah! Only one more paper to finish up and 3 days of classes and this puppy is done! It is exciting to be 2/3 of the way through seminary, but a little scary as well. I have started to feel anxious about GOEs, ordinations, and finding work. I am also sad about losing some friends that I have grown close to over the last two years. In my first year, when the seniors graduated, though I liked many of them, I spent the whole year knowing they were leaving. I never really got very close to them because I didn't have any classes with them. This year, I have had classes with the senior class, I have spent the last two years with them, I have worked with them on group projects, plunge and worship services. I have learned a great deal from many of them and been personally enriched by my relationships with them. I will miss them all very much.
I will also miss my own class this summer. Though we have spent the last two years in close contact with each other, and like to complain that we are sick of each other, the truth is that I will miss them greatly. We have been taking fewer and fewer classes together and it feels like a slow pulling apart of a family. I have no idea what I am going to feel like next year. Very sad, I am sure. It feels very disingenous to smile when someone says to you, "don't worry, we'll stay in touch." Especially knowing that, most probably, that isn't true. People get busy with their lives, with their work, and it just never happens. Oh well, that is how life changes and cycles.
My wish for this year's graduating seniors is that they all find meaningful paths of minstry in Christ's church that enrich them and allows them, in turn, to enrich the church. They all have so much to give that it makes me grateful to see them taking the difficult path of following Christ's lead. God bless you all and grant you peace in all that you do. Amen.

Candidacy! Woo Hoo!

2007-05-03T21:15:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been 5 years, 3 months, and 1 day since I started down this particular path of God's calling, and just received my letter of Candidacy from the Bishop. As of April 24, 2007, I am officially a Candidate for Holy Orders in the Episcopal Diocese of Chicago! Hallelujah!
It's a weird feeling to finally reach this point. I feel like I should feel different, or look different, or act differently. It feels like there should be more of a signification to this milestone. The fact is that I got a short pleasant letter from the Bishop's office informing me of my candidacy. It really doesn't change anything...at least not anything blatantly apparent to me. When I became a postulant, they let me attend seminary. Now that I am a candidate, nothing new really occurs.
I also feel vaguely guilty about telling anyone about it. There are so many people here, even in my small class, that have been beat up by their dioceses. I feel like I should just keep the news to myself to avoid hurting anyone's feelings. (hmmm, maybe that means blogging it wasn't such a great idea. Hmmm.)
Well, it is a bizarre experience so far, but at least I get to check another precious box on that huge 55 step project called Discernment for the Presbyterate.

Senioritis and Middler Meloncholy

2007-05-02T14:12:00.000-07:00

I've been watching seniors drag boxes to their dorms / apartments to begin the packing process in anticipation of graduation. I hear them talking excitedly about next plans and graduation. Though I am very happy for them, it all leaves me somewhat sad. I will miss them all very much. I have been through enough graduations to know that "we will stay in touch" really is an empty phrase. It makes me sad to think that I only have one more year with my class. Being a small class of only 7 people means that I have grown close to all of them and I can't imagine life without them. Or at least, I am not allowing myself to think about life without them. It's a funny way to feel in spring. I always think of sadness as a winter (or late fall) feeling, not a spring feeling. Spring is flowers and sunshine and temperate weather, not clouds of impending separation.
I wish them all well in their individual futures, but I am really going to miss them very much.

Grumble, grumble

2007-05-02T14:06:00.000-07:00

Maybe I'm an old curmudgeon, but it really bugs me when people chat through class, IM through class, shop online through class, and generally not pay attention. It bugs me because I really need to concentrate on what is going on. I paid a lot of money for these classes and I really need to pass them. If you are going to interfere with my learning process, don't be surprised if I get crabby about it. I also just don't understand paying all that money and then not paying attention in class. Lastly, it is really disrespectful to the professor to not pay attention. I mean, if you really don't care about the class and don't want to be there, then find some way to test out of it (or simply drop it). Don't be rude to the instructor and annoying to your classmates. Just hit the road. Believe it or not, some of us would really like to learn something! And some of us need all the help we can get! Paying attention to the instructor is the only hope we have. DON'T INTERFERE WITH THAT!
Arrgghh! (okay, it's out of my system---for now).

I've been Meme'd

2007-04-17T11:48:00.000-07:00

Heidi tagged me for a Meme. My problem is that I don't even know what "Meme" really means. The instructions were to write six wierd things about myself and tag six others. Here goes
1) I'm a closeted neat-nik. I like things arranged just so, even to the point of excessive compulsive behavior. I fold my underwear, iron my hankerchiefs, and carefully wind my belts into coils. But, I don't want anyone to know that. I don't know why.
2) I like a windy rainy cool day. It is probably from growing up in Oregon, but I like it when the weather is a little cool and wet. It makes for great sleeping.
3) I don't like Zuchini! Anything that prolific that tastes that awful must be proof of the existance of the evil one!
4) Before bed I always do the same routine: check the back door, check the front door, and make sure the stove is turned off. Every night, without fail. If I forget and try to go to bed I won't be able to fall asleep and will have to get up and do the routine just to be sure.
5) I always look behind the shower curtain. I'm not a big "spooky" individual. I have no problems being alone. Creaky, old houses don't bother me. I just hate closed shower curtains.
6) Before I close a car door, or a house door, or a motel door, I always look at the keys in my hand. I can't close a door without a key in my hand.

As to tagging anyone, everyone I know has already been tagged. Oh well.

Priorities?

2007-04-03T07:49:00.000-07:00

I just read that the top three Democratic contenders for President of the U.S. have raised more than $60 million for their campaigns. What??!! Isn't there a better use for $60 million? How many hungry people can be fed for $60 million? How many homeless sheltered? How many seniors given housing relief or prescription medication allowances? How many programs to help the marginalized in our society can be run for $60 million? What are we thinking? And this is from the party that is supposed to be social issue focused. I wonder just how much money is going to be spent over the next two years to get a new president elected? Is it really worth it? If we stopped making war, stopped running "Presidential Idol USA", and stoppped subsidizing businesses; just how much good could we do in our country with all that money? How much good could we do in the world?

Another quiz

2007-03-29T19:21:00.001-07:00

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Literature Nerd Does sitting by a nice cozy fire, with a cup of hot tea/chocolate, and a book you can read for hours even when your eyes grow red and dry and you look sort of scary sitting there with your insomniac appearance? Then you fit this category perfectly! You love the power of the written word and it's eloquence; and you may like to read/write poetry or novels. You contribute to the smart people of today's society, however you can probably be overly-critical of works. It's okay. I understand.
Drama Nerd
Musician
Social Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Anime Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace

Absence makes the heart grow fonder...

2007-03-18T21:21:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the extended absence from blogging. The end of the quarter has kept me busy and then spring break never really happened. Oh well, at least I'm over halfway in my seminary career. I just read an article about two kids in a texas school. One is white, burned down a families house and got 18 months probation. The other was black, pushed a hall monitor down and got seven years in prison. Stuff like this makes my skull creak! More on this ethical issue later. I have to go finish an ordo (service booklet) for the Great Vigil of Easter (kind of the liturgical world series). More later. Max Pax (Latin for "lotsa peace to you!)

One of those quizzes

2007-03-18T21:19:00.000-07:00

What Kind of Reader Are You? Your Result: Literate Good Citizen You read to inform or entertain yourself, but you're not nerdy about it. You've read most major classics (in school) and you have a favorite genre or two.
Dedicated Reader
Book Snob
Obsessive-Compulsive Bookworm
Fad Reader
Non-Reader
What Kind of Reader Are You? Create Your Own Quiz

Transitional Diaconate

2007-03-02T08:23:00.000-08:00

There probably is not a more inconsistent practice in the Episcopal Church than the ordination to the Transitional Diaconate. Over and over again, the church has affirmed that it believes in a Transitional Diaconate (as opposed to direct ordination), but cannot decide the best approach to when and how to do it.
Some Diocese ordain after graduation from seminary. Some ordain in December, six months before graduation. Some ordain over the summer prior to the senior year.
Some diocese have extensive examination and discernment with ordinands prior to ordination, while others have less rigorous standards in place.
I wonder what the perception of the purpose of the Transitional Diaconate is among Bishops? Is it a training period? Is it an on-the-job-training period? Is it "paying your dues?" With the state of many parishes, finding a paying gig as a Transitional Deacon is getting harder and harder. For those Diocese that ordain after graduation from seminary, that means working for free for six months and then trying to find a paying curacy or associate position at the same time that your student loans are coming due (usually significant student loans!).
If I were able to speak to every Bishop in the U.S., I would encourage examining what they are doing around the Transitional Diaconate and why. Are they doing what they have always done because they have always done it that way? If it is to be a training period, please consider that training while in the seminary, with the ability to interact with other students and faculty, might be a better training for a transitional deacon than sitting in a parish with little or no feedback loop. I would also ask that they consider the economic position they are putting their seminary graduates in. Many diocese spend a great deal of time and energy examining aspirant and postulants financial situations, and at times, denying them their call on the basis of financial position. Wouldn't a better use of time and resource be to find paying jobs and seminary funding?

The Test That Shall Not Be Named

2007-03-02T08:14:00.000-08:00

There has been some buzz around the seminary lately (albeit, in quiet, hushed tones) about the GOE results from last month. Every year about this time, when the results of the General Ordination Exams (GOEs, or as my class refers to them, "The Test That Shall Not Be Named) come out, there is the anguish over scores not being as expected and the anxiety over one's Bishop's reaction. There is always a general feeling of, "why didn't I do better?"
This test is an academic exercise designed to test one's ability to be academic. Is that really the best way to determine who should be ordained? Are all clerics academic? I realize, and affirm, that a certain degree of knowledge should be attained, but is a timed essay test the best way to assess that? Would Diocesan testing be better? Maybe combined with personal interviews? Maybe with personal written statements about what you have learned and how you are going to put it into practice?
However, to implement that strategy would be to remove nation wide consistancy. Unless the Bishops could get together and decide on some particular standard of minimum, measured in Diocesan specific manner.
All of that sounds like a lot to do just to measure seminary students abilities, but there must be a better way than the current "Episcopal Church's Annual Hazing of Seminary Students!"

Introvert / Extrovert

2007-03-01T13:33:00.000-08:00

My introverted friends tell me that they can hardly stand all the interaction that they are forced to have here at Seminary. I don't quite understand what they are talking about! This has to be the lonliest place I have ever been. You spend a couple of hours in class, not really interacting much with others, and then go to chapel. Chapel is not terribly interactive, at least not with other humans. You are around them, but physical colocation does not equal interaction. Then you to to lunch. Lunch does provide interactiion and I enjoy it a great deal.
The rest of your time is spent reading, doing research, wandering around the basement library stacks, and writing papers. I am constantly alone. This place is the most isolated I have felt since I first joined the Air Force twenty-four years ago. I sit in my library study carrel, reading, watching the rain run down the window pane and wonder that my introverted friends are not more energetic than they are. If you get your energy from being by yourself and spend 80% of your time by yourself, shouldn't you be in a great mood the other 20%??
To an extrovert, this place is purgatory. The isolation saps the energy and tires the soul. I can't wait to be done.

Liturgy

2007-02-17T11:58:00.000-08:00

I struggle with the liturgy that we have hear at Seabury. I'm not 100% sure that we, as a community or as an institution, are 100% sure what it is supposed to be about. Is it worship? Is it formation? Is it both? How much variety should we have? To what extent should we allow variety? Who do we celebrate and why or why not?
If our liturgy is just about learning, should it be highly varied so we are exposed to many different types of worship or should it be very similar to most Episcopal churches in the U.S. so that we learn and grow into the habits of worship that we will be in charge of soon?
If our liturgy is mainly about worship, should it be varied to reach out to a wide range of students? Should it be focused on students at all? Should it be for faculty and staff (who are more permanent) or on students (who are inherently transitory)? Should the variety reflect our in-house diversity reality or our in-house diversity goal?
I'm not sure that whatever is decide really matters all that much, but I do believe that we need to decide. If feels very unstable, unsure. Communications between students and faculty (especially with respect to worship and worship planning) seems tentative and unsure. Let's decide and move forward. A wrong direction is a possible outcome, but we can always make a course correction if we need to. We can't do anything if we are just sitting still.

Stress

2007-02-17T11:48:00.000-08:00

It's very odd to see the reaction to stress in myself and those around me. People's reactions to stress seem either to bring out their personality traits to exaggerated levels, or completely change their personality altogether. I haven't decided which category I fall into, but I believe that it is probably the former as opposed to the latter. I get sillier, more outrageous, and procrastinate even more when I am under stress, especially stress of a deadline. This, of course, exacerbates the reason for the stress in the first place and the vicious cycle then continues until I manage to stay up all night and finish whatever project / paper is due and causing all this frustration in the first place. That means that, as the quarter comes to a close over the next three weeks, I will become completely unbearable until the day after the quarter ends. At which point my personality will revert back to it's normal state, I will become more calm and normal, and all my friends (who care deeply about me) will ask me, "what's wrong? You are so quiet." I should tell them, "Don't worry, the cycle will start over again shortly and I'll start acting like an over-caffienated squirrel soon!"
Ah well, life is short, life is fun! Let's enjoy all our foibles. They make us unique. Of course, there is the fact that if I were any more unique they might want to send me someplace with nice, soft walls!

Snow Sucks!

2007-02-13T19:42:00.000-08:00

I just spent three hours getting to school this morning (normally an hour) and almost four getting home. That is an extra five hours that I could have been studying, talking with my wife, or playing with my children. Never mind that fact that my poor wife and kids have had to shovel our driveway and walks for the past two days. I love the change of seasons here in Illinois, but I am so ready for spring. "Where have all the flowers gone? Long time waiting....."

Ethics Continued

2007-02-13T19:33:00.000-08:00

I just read that the state of Illinois is debating changing the requirements for organ donation to preference younger age of reciepient. That would mean that if I were 50 years old and on the waiting list for 5 years, but a 10 year old just came on the list, they would get the kidney/lungs/ heart/whatever before I would.
While I understand the reasoning behind this proposed change it brings up some ethical dilemmas for me. How do we value one life over another. It might seem more clear cut if you are talking an 85 year old versus a 5 year old, but what if you are talking a 45 year old versus a 35 year old? Do we add caveats for married or parent over single or no children? Who's life is worth saving more than someone elses and how do we make that decision? What are the criteria? Where does it stop?
From a Christian standpoint do we try to figure out who God prefers we keep alive? For that matter, is transplanting organs ethical from a Christian standpoint at all? Are we trying to play God, making decisions about when a person should die or when they shouldn't? Or do we assume that we have these capabilities because God ordains that we do?
I don't know what the answers are, but I am troubled with the thought of having to tell someone that even though they have been on the list the longest, they aren't going to get the organ because of some alternative criteria, beyond the fact that they are a human person in need.

To caff or not to caff, that is a question

2007-02-13T19:24:00.000-08:00

I have a friend, who shall remain nameless to protect her identity so I shall just refer to her as "dried fruit," who gives me a hard time about my intake of coffee. Now, just to be clear, I do drink more coffee than most, but it is decaf. (or at least most of it is) Drinking decaf coffee (no sugar or cream) is basically drinking brown, coffee flavored water. The supposed "bad" part (and that is up for some debate as to whether the ill effects of a legal stimulant outweigh the benefits of staying awake in class) is not present in decaf coffee. All there is is flavor. I have also read recently that there is a study from a major teaching hospital that links increased coffee drinking with lower cholesterol levels. So basically, decaf coffee is health food! Party on!
Now, if I can just remember to modify my basic order at Starbucks, a grande soy three pump mocha with whip, to include "decaf." Oh, the trials of my life! :-)
Caff on!

Candidacy Interview

2007-02-11T22:27:00.000-08:00

In the ongoing process of diserning a call to the priesthood, or more accurately, convincing the Diocese that I have a call to the priesthood, I have my interview for candidacy scheduled. On Tuesday March 6th at 1:30 p.m. I will be grilled, poked and prodded as to my fitness to be named a "Candidate for Holy Orders."
I have heard so much advice on how to handle this interview and have become so overwhelmed that I am no longer capable of worrying about the event. Some say concentrate on having questions ready to ask them. Some say "be ready to cover all the theology you have learned in seminary." Others say to be prepared to talk about what personal growth you have done since being at seminary, while still others say, "don't worry about it, you'll be fine."
I guess I'll just pray a lot and trust the Holy Spirit to guide me. Please all pray for me that day.
Peace to all.

First Try

2007-02-11T19:43:00.000-08:00

Well, after two years of reading other's blogs I thought it was time to jump in and try it on my own. I'll have to keep working on the format. I'm not sure that I like it yet. Oh well, first try.